Sometimes, I feel like I need to take a step back and reevaluate my life. I'm sitting in my underwear, drinking oceans of cran-raspberry juice for reasons that I'm too embarrassed to admit to anyone. Partially because I don't like the taste of plain cranberry juice, but partially because I can make really bad decisions. I don't understand how my decisions go...by. I don't think that made sense. It is completely and utterly baffling to me that the numbers of negative consequences is inversely proportional to the number of bad decisions that I make. My life should be falling apart at this point. At least, if I were straight, I think it would be.

I haven't written anything in a really long time. It used to be a catharsis for me, but as of late, I seem to think that I'm above creativity and expression of emotion. Instead, all of the things I'm not saying seem to be redirecting themselves to people. I find myself almost saying self-issued taboo phrases to people I've just met. And I'm falling. But he says I can't. And I'm telling myself I won't. But it's not the time and it's the place and things are strange and it just can't. And I wish time could just stand still, even if for a couple months. I wish things were different. But they're not. And they won't be. It's disappointing, but I'll learn to cut my losses and move on. I'll reevaluate my life.